Charles' and Wally's Autism Adventures

Something amazing happened today: I went sledding with my sons.  Not at the same time, but I went with Leo this morning and Wally this afternoon.  There were many other parents and kids out sledding today.  But most days when the snow is perfect for sledding, and I see all those neurotypical kids and parents out there, I just want to look away.  I try not to think about what I am missing because both of my sons have Autism.  But today we figured out how to make it work and for the most part it worked very well!  Today I had lots of fun in the snow with my sons.  Part of me just wants to savor this and say no more. Selah. There were lots of other kids out there, which you can see at the top of the hill.  This is Wally observing them.  This picture captures a lot of how it feels being an Autism dad.  The neurotypical kids are playing... over there...and we are over here, and I have no idea what Wally will do or say.  He still has no u...

It has been a while...  Some major life updates are in order.  Wally is 7.  Doing very well.  Leo is 4.5 and has started going to preschool because he was diagnosed ASD on December 11th.  Our 3rd son is due at the end of March 2021.  I was the 3rd son in my family so I feel a weird and cool connection to this child already. Kim and I will both finish our Masters Degrees from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary in May 2021.  What's next?  Adventure!  I was accepted into the PhD Divinity at University of St Andrews on December 8th, 2020 or as they say it in Scotland, 08 December.  This is a dream come true. So we will be adding to our...wonderfully complex life an infant and an international move...changing almost every detail of our physical existence with not one but TWO Autistic children...during a pandemic.   Why?  Because God has clearly and repeatedly called us to this.  And because together we can do impossi...

smile :) A smiling breakfast is not a big deal, but the longer I'm here at seminary and the longer I'm on this adventure into the world of autism (ASD) and being Wally's dad, the more I'm convinced of the upside-down nature of the universe.  One of these upside down things is that little things often matter much more than the big things.  Reflecting on my life with Wally has helped me see this.  A few of my recent classes have confirmed it.  Here are a few of these little things that make a big difference in my life. 1) SLEEP.  My sleep has not been what I consider "normal" for over 6 years.  Being tired has become my normal so most of the times when people ask me how I'm doing and mean it, I say, "I'm tired, but I'm always tired...I'm also..."      Part of having abnormal sleep patterns for so long is that sometimes you just wake up.  Energy is a mysterious thing when sleep deprivation is normal.  And when it comes,...

It's been a while. Wally has been growing and growing as children do.  His language skills are still far behind his neurotypical peers, but exciting new things happen every week. This week we had a poosplosion.  Most parents will not need an explanation of this term, but for those who have not experienced a pooslosion I'll elaborate.  Diapers have a certain capacity.  Poo is a certain size and exits with a certain velocity and direction.  At times poop exits at an angle or capacity that exceeds the diaper.  This results in poop being in the clothes, up the back, down a leg...anywhere.  The poop escapes. So my wife yelled, "Charles!", in that special tone of voice reserved for poosplosions and broken bones. I entered the bedroom and see my wife holding Wally's hands up, one with poop on half of it, and one still clean.  Poop was smeared across most of one of his thighs. I grabbed the wipes and got busy cleaning Wally while Kim kept...

"This is a profound mystery."  The apostle Paul said this about marriage and about the relationship between Christ and the church.  Well actually he wrote it...in a letter to a church...in Greek...about 2000 years ago.  But I thought it would be easier to just say he said it.  Now I see I was wrong. Mystery is always a part of life but it's become a daily part of mine.  I find myself thinking more and more about the mystery involved in my relationship with my son Wally.  His verbal skills continue to improve especially around letters, numbers and some colors but, his Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) means that he still has very few words in spite of the fact that he'll be 4 in December.  Another boy we know who has ASD was super verbal at this age showing ASD really is a broad spectrum.  Anyway, his largest vocabulary set is probably words related to the Cars Pixar movies.  "Ka-Chow!" counts as a word, right? Some days I get so frustrate...

Today was a big day.  Wally was afraid.  Once I realized this I did experience the expected fatherly compassion and desire to comfort him.  But this was mixed with a surprising third emotion: a deep sense of relief.  Wally WAS afraid! Some people laugh in the face of danger.  Wally doesn't even notice it is there.  I have never seen him be afraid of anything...except for during Finding Nemo, the barracuda and sharks made him run out of the living room.  But real fear at "normal" things that "normal" kids are all afraid of.  Never.  Until today. This general lack of fear or boundaries is one of the oddest and most stressful parts of Wally's ASD.  He doesn't notice where cars are.  He climbs everywhere on anything to any height.   Due to his limited language skills words rarely make a difference, especially if we're outside.  Most of the time he's just so curious and wants to explore everything so he just ...

     Wally likes climbing on rocks.  The beach we often go to here in Beverly, MA has a nice pile of huge boulders at one end of it.  Can you see the problem?  Well, this last time I could not keep him off them.  I know what you're thinking...Come on Charles, he's only 3 and half!  You're the parent so you're in charge.  Just tell him it's not safe and carry him back to the beach towel.  Above all, stay safe on the sand and away from huge sharp rocks that either of you could fall off of into the ocean!       Well, I didn't.  I couldn't.  He's forty pounds, very strong and doesn't really understand verbal directions.  So once he decided he wanted to climb on those rocks the situation escalated quickly.  He was pleading, crying out, reaching, flailing and as I picked him up bucking his head back (by far his most dangerous weapon).  I successfully avoided the head butt by carrying him sideways, but ...