Good Fear

Today was a big day.  Wally was afraid.  Once I realized this I did experience the expected fatherly compassion and desire to comfort him.  But this was mixed with a surprising third emotion: a deep sense of relief.  Wally WAS afraid!

Some people laugh in the face of danger.  Wally doesn't even notice it is there.  I have never seen him be afraid of anything...except for during Finding Nemo, the barracuda and sharks made him run out of the living room.  But real fear at "normal" things that "normal" kids are all afraid of.  Never.  Until today.

This general lack of fear or boundaries is one of the oddest and most stressful parts of Wally's ASD.  He doesn't notice where cars are.  He climbs everywhere on anything to any height.  

Due to his limited language skills words rarely make a difference, especially if we're outside.  Most of the time he's just so curious and wants to explore everything so he just keeps going no matter how loud I scream "STOP!!!" or "WAIT!!!".  Often the only way I can stop him from falling into a crevasse or some other dangerous thing is by picking him up and carrying him (often kicking and screaming) away from it.  So because Wally is not afraid, we are almost all the time that he'll get hurt or lost or die.

So what was Wally afraid of?  The deep end of a swimming area of a pond at Toah Nipi Retreat Center where we are ON VACATION!

This is another reason why today was a big day: we succeeded in having a WHOLE DAY of vacation as a family.

Earlier this year my wife and I were the ones who were afraid.  We were scared that we would never be able to go on a vacation again, or at least not for a long time.  Most people's fears of going on vacation are that there will be traffic or bad weather or sickness or long lines or that their kids will fight.  Our fears were that Wally would be overwhelmed by every kind of vacation we wanted to do before ASD.  Now and for the foreseeable future we need vacations that would work for all of us, which really means that would be fun for all of us and not ruined by Wally's ASD.

  

As my wife and I looked at our summer vacation options our prospects were bleak.  Really there was only one option that seemed possible.  But our souls were weary and we needed this vacation so we decided to try.

ASD is tough on parents in lots of ways but one of the most difficult ones is the slow torture of growing exhaustion/stress combined with constant change/confusion combined with no ability to go on a real vacation of any length.  The stress builds and builds and with no release valve things can get ugly.   Why can't you just go on a vacation?  Because you can't bring the kid with you and you can't trust anyone to care for them that long even if you could find someone who was willing to watch them that long.  So the exhaustion just grows and grows with no rest, recreation or break in sight.  

I believe vacations are necessary for health.  One of God's 10 Commandments is remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy.  God commands us to stop working.  To rest.  To restore our souls.  To delight and enjoy the beauty and majesty of his good creation.  Today he led me and Wally beside quiet, deep waters.  I don't know how restful this vacation is going to be.  But knowing that Wally does indeed have a natural fear of something actually gives me hope.