Kisses and Kicks

Wally and his little bro Leo chillin' on the couch.

"Wally!  Can you give Aunt Heather a kiss?"  He thinks for a second, processing the request.  Puckers up.  Smooch.  So awesome.  He spontaneously started kissing on request a few weeks back.  The best is when we've been having fun playing and he turns around, thinking about what to do, and puckers up and smooches me on my scruffy cheek.  I melt.  It's his first way of saying I love you.  Words fail to describe how it makes me feel.

Earlier that day while changing a diaper.  "Whap!"  Wally's foot smacks the whole right side of my face.  "NO KICKING!" I yell as I grab his ankle, trying to prevent further violence and trying to control my anger and surprise at being kicked in the head by a 3.5 year old.  "Wally, you may not kick me.  Or mommy..."  He wiggles, trying to escape my grasp.  I hold on for a few more seconds.  He looks away and calms down.  No emotion is obvious on his face.  I think he just wanted to get away.  

I've been an ignorant idiot about emotions most of my life.  I've learned a lot about emotional health, mostly by reading and discussing this with my wife and our church small group.  But somehow before having a front row seat to my son's development, Autism for me mostly meant uncontrolled emotions.  I pictured random fits and violence.  And for some reason drool.  

Wally is actually surprisingly good with his emotions so far, and he doesn't drool.  He's a very pleasant, happy boy 95% of the time.  He's wonderfully gentle with his baby brother Leo, who turns 10 months old today.  He gets sad and angry when he decides he wants something or to go somewhere and we say no.  But I do that too.  Most amazing to me is how fast he recovers from a bout of emotions.  Most crying/hitting/head butting fits last 10-30 seconds; and then he's totally fine.

I pray for God to grow my emotional health often.  I pray for Wally to learn to communicate well with words and actions, instead of his feet and head and hands.  Hopefully he'll have more kissing and less kicking over the course of his life.  Somedays I know my son needs to learn from me how to manage his emotions.  Somedays I learn from him.  Most days I learn from my wife.  We're in this emotional mess together. 

Today I choose to love my son as he is, enjoying his uniqueness.  Whether he's kissing or kicking he's my son.  For now, he sleeps.  Every parent knows how precious that is.